Just Minutes After False Missile Alarm, Data Shows Hawaiians Flooded Pornhub

(Hawaii, RT) Thousands of Hawaiians eased their anxieties by watching porn just moments after a ballistic missile alert last Saturday turned out to be a false alarm, Pornhub traffic data has revealed.

Most Hawaiians predictably abandoned their porn to save their lives from an imminent ballistic threat, Pornhub, the largest pornographic video sharing website, revealed Wednesday. Within fifteen minutes after the Islanders received the emergency alert reading: “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL,” traffic to Pornhub dropped dramatically.

Traffic plunged some 77 percent from its usual numbers. Either the remaining 23 percent were too hardcore to skip their Saturday porn fix, even in the face of incoming missiles, or they were in too much of a rush to hit pause. Or maybe they were all set for a good time in the comfort of their bunkers.

“Based on real-time, per-minute page-views, and compared to levels on the previous two Saturdays, our statisticians found a precipitous drop in traffic at 8:07am immediately after the warning was sent out. By 8:23am, traffic was a massive -77% below that of a typical Saturday,” Pornhub said.

The need for porn surged right back up as soon as the all-clear signal came in at 8:45am, when authorities reassured Hawaiians that the original alert was, in fact, a false alarm. By 09:00am, there was a dramatic increase as people were online again to work off the tension.

“Traffic began to return to normal and Hawaiians collectively breathed a sigh of relief,” Pornhub said. “Those seeking further relief headed back to Pornhub where page views surged +48% above typical levels at 9:01am.”

“Asian” became the most popular search term from Hawaii in 2017, while “hentai” peaked at the ‘top gaining searches’ category, Pornhub’s data revealed. Thirty-two-year-old Japanese-American porn star, Asa Akira, topped the search list.


Image: Source.

While you’re here…
…We have a tiny favor to ask of you. Government think tanks have teamed up with social media companies and Google to censor independent media websites and government criticism. Despite this big tech crackdown on the free press, we have been very fortunate, and tens of thousands of people continue to read The Mind Unleashed every single day. But we need your ongoing support to keep working as we do.. And because we value open and accessible information for all, we would never hide our content behind a paywall. Unlike Fox News or CNN, our editorial independence means we set our own agenda and voice our own opinions. We are not subject to the whims of billionaire shareholders. We are editorially independent, and that makes websites like this an important part in the war for truth and justice. Hopefully we’re wrong, but without your help, we're afraid big tech companies may soon make The Mind Unleashed algorithmically disappear from the Internet. We need your support to keep delivering quality independent news. Every contribution, big or small, will go directly into funding independent journalism. Thank you. Click here to support us

View Comments