“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.” ~Johnny Carson
Before we get started, ask yourself, “Am I triggered by the F-bomb in this title?” If so, keep questioning. Dig deeper. Transform your trigger into curiosity instead.
Ask yourself: why do I feel so emotional about this silly little word? Is it really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things? Is it just a lizard-brain reaction to my cultural conditioning or religious brainwashing? Am I experiencing cognitive dissonance, or confirmation bias? Am I reacting out of fear, cowardice, ignorance? Have I lost perspective that it’s all bullshit and knowing it sets me free?
Be playful. Have a good sense of humor about it. Being curious about something, rather than just triggered by it, is always more rewarding. You will always gain more from a curious experience over a triggered one. Feel triggered, just act with curiosity. You may discover something about yourself that being triggered alone would never have revealed.
The irony of this process is that feeling triggered, but then acting with curiosity, is the wisdom of fuck it. Transforming feeling triggered into curious action is the same thing as saying, “fuck it!” It’s telling yourself, “The F-bomb is triggering me for some weird reason. Fuck it! let’s figure out why.”
That’s the spirit! Fuck it! Let’s figure out why together…
The way of fuck it:
“Life’s disappointments are harder to take if you don’t know any swear words.” ~Bill Watterson
The way of fuck it is the cornerstone of being and becoming unfuckwithable.
The way of fuck it is the way of courage. “Fuck it!” and courage are reciprocal. When you lose all your fucks you gain all your courage. And, the more you practice courage the less fucks you have to give.
If some mean fucker gets in your face about some bullshit drama or counterproductive negativity you are more likely to say something crazy-courageous like, “Off is the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.”
The way of fuck it is dangerously beautiful. It’s audacious. It’s Promethean: “I would rather be chained to this rock than be the obedient servant of the gods.”
Fuck it! I’m going to wrestle these demons into allies. Fuck it! I’m going to stretch the shit out of this tiny comfort zone. Fuck it! I’m going on my own damn Hero’s Journey. Fuck it! I will climb the highest mountain and punch the face of God.
The way of fuck it is an attitude. It’s equal parts crazy courage and radical forgiveness. It’s a strategic disposition of nonchalance in the face of fear. It’s having the worldview that life is too short not to give something you care about a shot. Even if, especially if, you’ve failed before.
It reeks of risk and valiant effort. It’s daring. It’s going all-in. Despite the worst odds. It’s double-dog daring the universe to respond to the best you have to offer.
As Bukowski said (in this amazing poem), “If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start.” Then there’s Buddha’s wisdom: “There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: Not going all the way, and not starting.”
The way of fuck it is both starting and going all the way. It’s seizing the moment in the day in the life of a life well-lived. It’s flipping the script on your fears and worries and procrastinations. It’s plucking the thorn of One Day out of the Achille’s Heel of Day One.
Chuck it in the fuck it bucket:
“I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don’t like being spied on.” ~Annabel Pitcher
The fuck it bucket is where all the empty fucks you once gave go to die.
All the fucks that were conditioned into you by culture, indoctrinated into you by church and state, brainwashed into you by biased politics, programmed into you by a profoundly sick society. All of them tossed into the bucket.
It helps to visualize it. My fuck it bucket is black with a red anarchy symbol and an image of Rick (from Rick & Morty) meditating with both middle-fingers raised.
It’s overflowing with all the fear-laced fucks from my past. It’s a dumpster fire of wishing things had turned out a certain way. Because, as it turns out, life is less about getting what you want and more about making the best of what you get.
This is where the radical forgiveness of “fuck it!” comes in. When you say, “fuck it!” you’re saying it despite past mistakes, despite being bamboozled or taken for a chump, despite having ended up in a gutter or in jail or isolated from the tribe.
You’re saying “Fuck it! I’m going to do better. I’m going to self-improve despite self-preservation. I’m going to learn from my mistakes, through action rather than meekness. I refuse to crawl into a ball and die. I refuse to suck on my thumb at the center of my comfort zone. Self-pity is poison! The time of healing and licking my wounds has passed. Now is the time to act. So, fuck it! I’m going to act.”
The fuck it bucket is a symbol representing the place where all the unmagical, inauthentic, petty fucks go to die so that they can become the compost where magical, authentic, healthy fucks can flourish and bloom.
The double-edged sword of fuck it:
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” ~George Carlin
The way of fuck it is a double-edged sword. There is a fine line between courage and stupidity. This is where the wisdom of fuck it comes in.
Without wisdom, the way of fuck it is just carelessness and recklessness. With wisdom, however, the way of fuck it transcends paradigms. It goes beyond Nietzschean good and evil. It goes beyond Rumi’s rightdoing and wrongdoing.
The double-edged sword of fuck it cuts straight through all the bullshit. It’s the sharpened razor of the Middle Way and the Golden Ratio. Health and moderation become the benchmark upon which everything is measured against. It puts all the fucks one could potentially give into proper perspective.
The individual practicing the way of fuck it draws a line in the sand and declares to the universe, “I could give two flying blue fucks about things that are unhealthy and don’t matter. But I also have the awareness to give a plethora of magical fucks about things that are healthy and really do matter.”
As Katie Bingham-Smith said, “You should give a fuck. You really should. But only about things that set your soul on fire. Save your fucks for magical shit.”
Indeed. The wisdom of fuck it is precisely the ability to distinguish magical shit from petty shit. But it’s also about distinguishing healthy from unhealthy, and moderation from extremism. It’s having the courage and the passionate wherewithal to say, “This is what I love, and I’m going to do what I love despite all naysayers, despite all risks, and despite all fears.”
The secret of unfuckwithability is giving genuine heartfelt fucks to a worthy cause. That’s where the magic is. It can’t be pointed at. It can only be discovered. It cannot be taught. It can only be experienced. If that’s too cryptic for you, try this: Nobody else but you can discover the magic that’s unique to you.
When you’re able to find that sweet spot between the things you love to do and healthy moderation—and when you’re able to be fully present in that sacred space—you become invincible. Not in an invulnerable way, mind you. But in a vulnerable way.
The kind of absolute vulnerability that Dan Millman’s Peaceful Warrior teaches. The kind of creative vulnerability found in deep Flow States. The kind of flexible vulnerability found in mindfulness meditation. The kind of open vulnerability found in authentic laughter and sincere humor. The kind of courageous vulnerability found in saying, “Fuck it! Life is too short to allow stupid petty shit to bring me down. Instead, I’ll transform that stupid petty shit into something that will raise me up.”