5 Ways That Women Who Were Unloved as Children Struggle in Their Adult Lives

The experiences we have as children shape who we become as adults—more deeply than many of us realize. Childhood is where our foundational views of the world, trust in others, and sense of self-worth are built. Unfortunately, for those who grew up without the emotional support and love they needed, the consequences often follow them well into adulthood. The absence of nurturing during those formative years leaves scars that can manifest in subtle but impactful ways, influencing relationships, careers, and even self-perception.

But here’s the important part: recognizing the connection between your struggles today and the neglect you may have experienced in childhood is the first step toward healing. By understanding how these early wounds shape adulthood, you can begin to break free from their grip, allowing yourself to grow into the person you were always meant to be.

Feeling Unworthy of Love

When a child grows up without receiving consistent emotional support, they often internalize the belief that they are undeserving of love. This feeling of unworthiness tends to follow them into adulthood, impacting their ability to accept care and affection from others. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or even professional environments, those who felt unloved as children may struggle with accepting positive attention. When someone does show them genuine care, they may push it away, feeling that they aren’t worthy of such kindness.

This emotional pattern can deeply affect how they form bonds with others. Often, they might find themselves in one-sided relationships where they give more than they receive, believing that they must constantly prove their value. This imbalance leads to a cycle of dissatisfaction and emotional exhaustion. The inability to recognize and accept love becomes a barrier, preventing them from experiencing fulfilling relationships.

Healing this sense of unworthiness requires breaking the cycle of negative self-perception. It begins with acknowledging past neglect and understanding that the lack of love received was not a reflection of their true worth. Therapy, self-compassion practices, and fostering healthy relationships where love is freely given and received are crucial in reprogramming these deep-seated beliefs.

Living Behind a Mask (Transforming into a False-Self)

As children, those who lacked emotional support often felt the need to adapt their behavior to fit what they thought their parents or caregivers wanted. They suppress their true selves, hiding their emotions and authentic personalities in a desperate attempt to earn approval. This survival tactic, while helpful in childhood, can create significant problems in adulthood, leading to the development of a “false self.” This false persona is built on pleasing others, suppressing personal desires, and ignoring one’s own needs.

Carrying this mask into adult life makes it challenging to establish genuine connections with others. People who operate from a false self may appear happy, successful, or well-adjusted on the surface, but internally, they often feel disconnected and hollow. They may struggle with knowing who they really are because they’ve spent so long performing for others. The fear of rejection continues to dictate their actions, preventing them from expressing their true thoughts, emotions, and desires.

The journey to rediscovering one’s authentic self can be difficult, but it is essential for emotional freedom. It requires the courage to drop the mask and accept oneself, flaws and all. Seeking therapy from professionals who specialize in emotional trauma can provide a safe space to explore these suppressed feelings, allowing the individual to slowly reconnect with their real self. Over time, they can learn that being authentic is not only safe but necessary for meaningful relationships and self-fulfillment.

Struggling to Build Close Relationships

For those who grew up without love, the idea of forming close, trusting relationships can feel foreign and unsafe. Early experiences of neglect teach them to build emotional walls to protect themselves from potential pain. They may distance themselves from others, afraid of getting too close and being abandoned again. This fear of intimacy affects all types of relationships—romantic, familial, and friendships—leaving them feeling isolated and misunderstood, even when surrounded by people.

This emotional distancing often leads to a pattern of self-sabotage in relationships. Even when they crave connection, the fear of vulnerability holds them back. They might avoid deep conversations, shy away from emotional expressions, or end relationships prematurely out of fear that others will leave them first. This creates a cycle of loneliness, reinforcing the belief that they are destined to be alone or unloved.

Breaking this cycle starts with acknowledging the fear of abandonment and learning to trust others gradually. Building close relationships takes time, but it’s possible when both parties are committed to open communication and emotional support. Taking small steps—like opening up about fears or insecurities—can help to strengthen bonds and create a safe space where intimacy can grow.

Victimhood Thinking and Negative Self-Talk

For those who lacked emotional support in childhood, it’s common to carry a sense of helplessness into adulthood. The feeling of being a victim of their circumstances becomes ingrained, and they may constantly feel that life is something that happens to them, rather than something they have control over. This mindset is often reinforced by negative self-talk—replaying thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve happiness.” These internal narratives can become self-fulfilling, creating a sense of powerlessness in many areas of life.

Victimhood thinking can block personal growth, keeping people stuck in cycles of self-doubt and low confidence. Even when opportunities for change arise, the internal dialogue may convince them that it’s not worth trying because failure is inevitable. This mindset impacts decision-making, often leading to missed opportunities in both personal and professional aspects of life. It also affects relationships, as they might continuously feel mistreated or overlooked, even when it’s not the case.

Shifting out of this victim mentality requires conscious effort. The first step is recognizing that while they couldn’t control what happened to them in childhood, they have the power to change how they view and react to their current circumstances. Reframing their internal dialogue from “I’m a victim” to “I’m a survivor” can be incredibly empowering. Instead of focusing on the things they cannot control, they can start to see the choices they do have—whether it’s how they respond to challenges or how they talk to themselves. Positive affirmations and cognitive behavioral techniques can be helpful tools in this transformation.

Emotional Suppression Leading to Passiveness

Children who were neglected or emotionally abandoned often learned to suppress their feelings to avoid further hurt. They might have hidden their sadness, fear, or anger, believing that showing emotion would only lead to more rejection. Over time, this emotional suppression can lead to passiveness in adulthood. These individuals may avoid conflict, refrain from asserting themselves, and shy away from taking risks, all to prevent the possibility of being rejected or abandoned again.

This passive approach to life keeps them from fully embracing their potential. They may settle for less than they deserve, whether in relationships, jobs, or personal goals, because they’re afraid of drawing attention to their needs. By staying in the background, they hope to avoid disappointment, but in doing so, they end up abandoning themselves. This passiveness also leads to frustration, as they feel stuck in unfulfilling situations but don’t know how to change them.

To overcome passiveness, reconnecting with buried emotions is essential. This means allowing oneself to feel again—whether that’s anger, sadness, or joy. Emotions are important guides, helping us understand what we need and want out of life. By tuning back into these feelings, they can learn to assert their desires and take steps toward the life they truly want. Building confidence in expressing emotions, setting boundaries, and taking risks will help them regain control over their lives and stop the cycle of self-abandonment.

Reclaiming Your Power and Healing from Within

The effects of childhood emotional neglect can linger for years, casting shadows over every aspect of adult life. Feelings of unworthiness, fear of intimacy, and the creation of a “false self” are powerful barriers that prevent individuals from living authentically. However, it’s essential to understand that these behaviors and beliefs, though deeply ingrained, are not irreversible. Recognizing how past neglect has shaped you is the first, and often most difficult, step in the healing process. Once you begin to identify the patterns, you gain the power to confront them and make changes that lead to a more fulfilling life.

Healing from emotional neglect is not a linear journey, and it often requires a great deal of patience and self-compassion. For many, working through these challenges will involve therapy or counseling, where they can explore their suppressed emotions in a safe environment. Learning to acknowledge and embrace these emotions—whether they are feelings of anger, sadness, or fear—is crucial to healing. By reconnecting with their true self and shedding the false personas built for survival, individuals can start to form healthy, meaningful relationships where they no longer feel the need to perform or hide their vulnerabilities.

Ultimately, the process of healing is about reclaiming the power that was lost in childhood. While you may not have had control over the love and care you received as a child, you now have control over how you respond to your life’s challenges. With time and effort, it’s possible to break free from the past and create a future where you are not only loved by others but, most importantly, by yourself. This journey of self-discovery and empowerment can lead to a life filled with authentic relationships, personal growth, and the confidence to pursue your true desires without fear of rejection or abandonment.