There are moments, days and sometimes even months where we must face our darkest hour. Sometimes this is represented by things happening in the world around us that create deep sadness, despair, and anger within us. Yet other times this can come about through our own inner world when we are going through some challenging emotions around our own personal experience. Often both the inner and the outer can intertwine and we do not always know what is our own sadness, anger and rage, and what is that of others or that of the world around us.

The first step to take is to focus on our breath while breathing in and out of our heart center. We can do this for some time, and then begin to deepen the breath by bringing it into the stomach while gently and lovingly guiding the breath as deep as it may go into the pelvis region. Then pause, and begin the inhale moving up through the body. See where the inhale stops, and then begin the whole process again. We can do this for some time until we feel at ease.

By focusing on our breath, we can tune into our very being and essence. This can be a form of meditation as well as a very healthy step to include in with other daily rituals of self-love, self-care and meditation.

Now let us tune into our heart. What is our heart trying to say? This may take some time as we are only now beginning to truly understand how important it is to listen to our heart. What is our heart trying to tell us about any given situation or emotion? The more this becomes a daily practice, the more the true safety of our very existence begins to become clear, and the more we begin to realize and make manifest our true hearts desire. On the outside, the more we practice this, the more we can become a part of co-creating a heart-based world.

“As we learn to tap into our heart’s intelligence, it increases our vitality, our resilience, and especially our health and happiness.”

-Dr. Rollin McCraty

Often the first instinct is to run away from these emotions and situations.  Now, if there is an environment or person who is unable to value and treat us as the beautiful souls we are, walking away and giving them space to heal what is going on within them can be a true act of love towards that person and our self. When we recognize that the behavior is not ours and is unwanted and harmful, we can walk away and bless them. Wish them well, wish them healing, and know that they have probably had a painful past that they need to heal. Forgive them, and move forward.

Forgiving does not mean this person or situation needs to ever be a part of our life again, yet it does allow us to create healing space for them while freeing us of the need to carry their emotions any longer.

Sometimes it can seem more difficult to let go and let the Universe handle the harm and destruction that takes place in the world around us. When there is injustice and great harm on the Earth, it is then most especially time for us to up our level of kindness, love, compassion, respect, humility, integrity and demonstrate what true healing is by being the light in times of darkness.

There is a very magical and powerful transformation from dark to light that takes place when individuals refuse to give up and give away their power, and instead up their game of self-love, self-care and kindness and compassion towards others.

“We have within us, a power that is greater than anything we shall ever contact in the outer, a power that can overcome every obstacle in our life and set us safe, satisfied and at peace, healed and prosperous, in a new light, and in a new life.”

Ernest Holmes

When we trust in our heart, follow our guidance, and discern what is right for our beautiful soul, we help the world to do so as well. There are situations and lessons that may arise, yet the more we learn to go within, and navigate them through our focused breath and heart space, the more we learn to let go and let the Universe, the more we learn to stand in our lighted power and walk into any darkness knowing by our very presence we will transform it.

Always remember, each one of us has a very beautiful and unique song to sing to the world. The more we shine our light like the stars we truly are, and the louder we sing our beautiful songs with our very own fragrance, the more the world responds with love. Let’s celebrate each other, let’s honor each other, and let us always remember that there is only one you and there is only one me. What are we waiting for, and when will we begin to light the world with our love? The time for me, and the time for you is now.

Let’s take three deep breaths together, tune in and turn up the love. Let’s follow the inner guidance of our heart so we can all arrive. We are growing, we are expanding, we are raising our consciousness and creating a new reality and thus a new world unlike any other. Yesterday already was, and tomorrow has yet to be, will you join us in filling today with hope, goodness, truth, love and beauty? We always have a choice. What will you choose?

Cover Image Credit: no more lookism discovered on Conscious Lifestyle Magazine

Ulonda Faye has a B.A. in Political Science and International Studies, and studied Peace and Conflict Research during her Masters program in International Relations. She survived a Near Death Experience during an accident that led her into Mind-Body-Spirit studies. She is a certified Wellness Practitioner, Rejuv Miracles Practitioner, and holistic esthetician as well as an ordained spiritual minister. Her services are available in person or through Skype and are offered in English and German. For more information, please visit fayenaturales.com

Nobel Peace Prize nominee and Zen Buddhist master, Thich Nhat Hanh has a very different theory about why our ecosystems are dying and our financial systems are crumbling. The Vietnamese monk credited with bringing mindfulness to the West believes that our desperation to succeed at all costs fuels our voracious economic system. An innumerable number of worldly ‘sicknesses’ come from this singular philosophical vice.

On one of Hanh’s Facebook posts he said, “Each one of us has to ask ourselves, What do I really want? Do I really want to be Number One? Or do I want to be happy? If you want success, you may sacrifice your happiness for it. You can become a victim of success, but you can never become a victim of happiness.”

Thay – as his followers call him, is no stranger to the ideology of the movers and shakers in our world economy. He was invited to speak in Silicon Valley by Steve Jobs once, and has met with the World Bank president Jim Yong Kim.  He has also met with senior Google engineers to discuss how they could develop technologies which could be more compassionate and bring about positive change, instead of increasing people’s stress and isolation, taking them away from nature, and one another.

He recently explained his concern with how people pin their happiness on success in an interview with the Guardian.

“If you know how to practice mindfulness you can generate peace and joy right here, right now. And you’ll appreciate that and it will change you. In the beginning, you believe that if you cannot become number one, you cannot be happy, but if you practice mindfulness you will readily release that kind of idea. We need not fear that mindfulness might become only a means and not an end because in mindfulness the means and the end are the same thing. There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.”

Thay warns, however, that practicing mindfulness just to be more productive at work, or only to enjoy more material success will leave the practitioner with a pale shadow of awareness compared to what true mindfulness can provide. He suggests,

“If you consider mindfulness as a means of having a lot of money, then you have not touched its true purpose. It may look like the practice of mindfulness but inside there’s no peace, no joy, no happiness produced. It’s just an imitation. If you don’t feel the energy of brotherhood, of sisterhood, radiating from your work, that is not mindfulness.”

As company executives in banking, oil production, agriculture, manufacturing, tech, and other fields strive to be successful, are they missing out on the true peace that might come from preserving an ecosystem, or helping to protect biodiversity? Are these titans of industry reflective of our social and political slant toward ever-increasing spending, a lack of accountability fiscally and environmentally, and the disassociation workers feel from their families and friends while constantly trying to work harder and earn more?

Thay says that all businesses should be conducted in such a way that all the employees can experience happiness. He says that helping to change society for the better can fill us with a sense of accomplishment that doesn’t come from focusing purely on profits.

When top CEOs make 300% more than their workers, and include stock incentives, luxury cars, and healthy expense accounts, how can balance truly be upheld?

When the world’s top 3,000 firms are responsible for over $2.2 trillion in environmental damage, how can we find joy from nature?

When even Facebook cofounder Dustin Moskovitz, who now heads up the software firm Asana calls out the tech industry for a lack of work-life balance, how can anyone find time to practice mindfulness or meditation?

Furthermore, even loss of life is acceptable in the name of profits. The ‘business’ of war has allowed the 100 largest contractors to sell more than $410 billion in arms and military services. Just 10 of those companies sold over $208 billion – while providing the means to kill millions.

Is it any wonder employees are broke, stressed out, and burned out from a lack of balance, no connection with other people, and an incessant work flow that promises very little reward, either financial or otherwise, from their toil?

Then there is the debt-based financial system of the Federal Reserve, propping up this entire show.

But the truth is that we don’t actually need the Federal Reserve.  In fact, the greatest period of economic growth in United States history happened during the decades before the Federal Reserve was created.

We also don’t need CEOs who make 300 times what their employees do, or ridiculous government policies which allow the notion of corporations as people, while ignoring the basic needs of real people.

Our courts have extended constitutional protections to the most unconscious among us, preserving a way of life that does not allow true happiness. Our constant aim for success has warped our original goal – to be happy. Isn’t that why people want more money, more power, and more ‘things.’ But as Thay says, this is a false way to attain happiness.

What this quiet Zen monk is trying to tell us is that our entire society is upside down. Our economic system protects mindlessness, not mindfulness.

He says that the primary affliction of our modern civilization is that we don’t know how to handle the suffering inside us and so we attempt to cover it up with all kinds of consumption.

Retailers peddle a host of devices to help us cover up the suffering inside. But unless and until we’re able to face our suffering, we can’t be present and available to life, and happiness will continue to elude us.

How do we change our economic policies so that all employees can be happy? It might help to look at our true goals. It might help to acknowledge the pain we’ve caused thousands of people by perpetuating war for the sake of profits. Success doesn’t automatically equal happiness, not if the definition of success only includes the bottom line.

We can measure success by our fulfillment in life, by the people we’ve been able to touch with our good deeds, or a mindful interaction, by having friends, experiencing love, being able to walk in a forest, or learn how to play a musical instrument.

Perhaps the true goal should be peacefulness instead of happiness, even. As Hanh has said,

“If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society will benefit from our peace.” This could be our new definition of success.

Image: Thich Nhat Hanh, Plum Village

For a wound to heal… you don’t keep touching it, picking at it or scratching it. It’s common sense, right? So… why do we keep doing it to ourselves?

Yesterday night, I realized that I’ve been way too hard on myself when it comes to getting past old wounds and insecurities. I saw that most of my stress and struggle were not because going through so-and-so emotion or challenge was so difficult. It was because of my incredibly stress-inducing reaction to every new dis-ease coming my way.

Here’s an extreme example of such a reaction:

“What’s this emotion now? Where is it from? OH, not those daddy issues again? I thought I was over that! Is there something else I don’t know? Maybe I should buy this book about abandonment issues. Maybe I should go meditate and dig some more into past traumas… or maybe past lives! Or maybe i’ll just go eat a whole bag of chips and 2 chocolate bars. Actually… I’ll just go post a meme about it. With my bag of chips and chocolate.”

“What happens when you begin to feel uneasy, unsettled, queasy? Notice the panic where you instantly grab for something.” – Pema Chödrön

It seems that many philosophies in the spiritual/personal development realm are all about endless psychoanalysis of our emotions and digging into ten thousand “hows” and “whys” — all aiming at explaining why we feel a certain way. I’m not saying there isn’t value in understanding the roots of our wounds. Actually… it is a must! But once you’ve touched it, once you’ve fully seen it and felt it… you don’t need to keep touching it. You don’t need to keep poking at it further whenever there is a little flare up, or fuel it with a hundred more stories about why you are so wounded still. You can just LET. IT. BE.

This is something I am basically just learning now. Having a strong and stubborn intellect, I’ve always been into “trying to figure it all out”. Trying to fix things with my head. But there is a time and place for putting the mind at use, and there is a time and place for simply allowing ourselves to be as we are; present, open and gentle with ourselves.

You don’t intellectualize your way into loving and being there for a child, for example. You don’t read books about psychology to a kid that simply needs you to be there and hold their hand. In the same way, we sometimes just need to BE there for ourselves, without saying anything. Without trying to fix anything or talk ourselves out of whatever we may be feeling. Sometimes, to heal, we just need to be there, and that’s it. And I don’t mean curling into the foetus position and cry a river because “we should throw ourselves into a dramatic purging process every time an emotion says hi.” You can do that if it feels natural to you, but where I am getting at is that shifting from one state to another can also be accomplished with the lightest of touches, as my wise friend Kosta Stoyanoff would say. With a gentle acknowledgment of what you are feeling, a smile of compassion, and a willingness to continue moving forward even if you aren’t feeling “perfect” yet.

“As long as our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never learn about unconditional friendship with ourselves, nor will we find compassion. ” ― Pema Chödrön

See, the only reason I’m writing this blog right now is because last night, I’ve decided to put the cellphone and distractions down for a few hours and just be there with what I’m feeling. I recognized my anxious feelings of not “being enough” and of this moment not “being enough” as products of an old train of thought that has never before led me to a happier and more fulfilled space anyways. So instead of treating it as this big ol’ monster requiring 10 more hours of psychoanalysis and anxious “figuring things out”, I simply let it be. I sort of said “Hey, I recognize you. You can stick around or whatever, but I’m just going to feel this out and not listen to your suggestions of finding yet another way to run away. I will just stay here and be okay in this moment with myself.”

Doing this shifted me out of this overwhelming fight-or-flight mode and provided me this single insight that I swear is going to be a game changer for me from now on. I already feel more relaxed. I already feel like I can move forward and be a better friend to myself. Growth doesn’t have to be a constant battle with yourself. It can be a wonderful, supportive relationship between your mind and soul. This is what I want to build my life on. No wonder I’ve been struggling with internet addiction, attention-seeking, sugar cravings and distraction binges lately. I’ve been beating myself up for it wondering what’s been wrong with me… but the truth is ANYONE would want to escape from the stressful and pressuring relationship I’ve been having with myself. It is even understandable that my poor mind would want to take a break from myself with food, social media newsfeeds or whatever else can take my mind off the bully inside of me. But that bully is me. It’s always been me against me. The beautiful thing though… is that it can also be me supporting me. Me loving me. Me being patient, kind and gentle to me. We all hear and say that we need to be more kind, gentle and loving people… no reason this shouldn’t apply to ourselves. 🙂

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön

I believe that being more gentle and easy with our internal ebbs and flows is what provides us the perfect environment and space to actually heal and flourish. It’s kind of like providing a child with the love, patience, wisdom, care and space he or she needs to thrive and grow into the best version of themselves. You don’t punish a child for falling down when they are learning how to walk. You don’t ignore them or run away in fear either. You understand that they are just calibrating their balancing muscles and are learning as they go. Growing as a human being is also a process of learning as we go; a natural one. You don’t grow a flower by pulling on it. You simply give it sunlight and water and let it flourish at its own space. You can’t control your own or anyone else’s growth, you can only support it.

Would you rather have a controlling or a supporting friend? A controlling or a supporting parent? If you’re like me, you probably resonate with the latter. So let’s go ahead and be what we seek. 🙂

“There are more than enough voices in this world that will weigh you down by telling you that you are “not enough” of something or other… Don’t let yours be one of them.” – Kosta Stoyanoff

What does it mean that the Soul is mature or immature?

If, during your spiritual Journey, you ask yourself the question:“What do I expect from life?” and you give an honest answer, the quality of that answer contains the response the question of the Soul’s maturity.

The immature Soul is always full of desires, it has ambitions and objectives it intends to achieve, whether these ambitions are of the lowest order (money, power) or of the most sophisticated ones (religious devotion, spiritual self-implementation). Reaching these goals always requires time, so future is always important for the immature Soul.

If the immature Soul has spiritual objectives, than it may suspect that all important things take place in the Now, here and now, but the Soul still uses the present moment as a springboard to get to its future objectives.A mature Soul is beyond its desires and ambitions bound to shapes and forms. The realization that achieving the goals and ambitions did not bring it real happiness, made it mature. It may have brought temporary satisfaction, but not lasting happiness.

The mature Soul experienced the nature of desires, the constant variability of the world of shapes and forms, where nothing is lasting, everything is dialectical, changeable. The mature Soul is able to abandon its desires and ambitions, and becomes poor in terms of worldy property.

It is important to know that the immature Soul is only able to imitate that poverty, as it has not yet experienced wealth (whether it is material, intellectual or moral wealth), so there is still a suppressed, unconscious desire in it for those things. Until the desires are satisfied, the Soul will not have a chance to experience the nature of forms, shapes and desires, so it cannot become mature.

The matureSoul, when the question”What do I expect from life?” is posed, provides the following answer: I want to find the real center of my life in order to reach the lasting happiness afforded by the independence of shapes and forms, the joy of existence and the state of unity.

That is the only way an Soul is able to turn towards the center of its own existence! When an immature Soul turns towards spiritual goals and encounters the requirements of a mind-free state, it starts to play its mind games with which it attempts to bridge the unbridgeable gap between itself and real existence.

An immature Soul wants to live in the shapeless and formless world too, and it wants to be somebody in that world as well! As opposed to it, the mature Soul does not insist on itself, it is pleased to surrender to the process that eventually dissolves it. It gradually abandons identification with the ego (that is, itself), giving way to the recognition that the Soul is in fact a Consciousness without a form

It is imperative that we should be aware that at any specific step of our Journey we accept the aspect of the mind or that of the Presence.

The Aspect of the Mind

The majority of the mankind is characterized by this aspect at this moment. The center of their life is the Ego-dominated mind, which guides and leads them. What is this Ego? When we are born, it is not yet there; it is developed in an interaction with our environment. We survive if we are able to separate ourselves from the surrounding world, and develop an identity of our own.

The first sign of separation is experiencing the notion of ”mine.” This elementary sense of possession is the foundation of the Ego. ”Mine” is followed by ”for me” and ”I” and ”you.” The Ego therefore separates: ”you-I,” ”mine-your.” The Ego even approaches God from this deep, unconscious instinct of possession: my God, our God etc., and we are only able to imagine God as a transcendental one.

These features constitute the framework of the Ego. The identity attached to the Ego is shaped by the answers received from the people in our environment to the question“What am I like?” The Ego is therefore a social product, and is only able to provide a false answer to the question:“What am I like?” The answers are false, because they are based upon feedback from other people and not upon our own experience. The Ego is our identification with ideas, emotions, actions and experience.

Another elementary instinct of the Ego is activity, it keeps doing something, even when it is “meditating,” it is still doing something (concentrating, it wants to achieve Unity etc.) That is why the Ego is unable to do anything with the concepts of emptiness, non-activity. In the eyes of the Ego, somebody who is passive, not doing anything is a zombie, and from this aspect it may be right, if we think of the dead emptiness created by the mind.

The Aspect of Presence and Witnessing

This aspect has become more powerful in the world recently. It means reaching beyond the aspect of the mind. The aspect of the mind is not bad, the Ego-dominated mind is not an enemy of the spiritual Seeker accepting this aspect, because the spiritual Seeker is aware that the Ego is not the real center of his/her Self. The spiritual Seeker will identify with it to a lesser and lesser extent. The spiritual Seeker will start to seek the real center, and rely on it to an increasing extent.

At that stage, both aspects are present in the soul of the spiritual Seeker, who lives in a society, meeting other people at work, and is only able to approach the other people from the aspect of the Ego-dominated mind. At the same time, however, the spiritual Seeker does not fully identify with the Ego (its thoughts, emotions etc.)

When the spiritual Seeker is alone, he/she will turn towards the center, mediates or attempts to bring the Presence into his/her daily life (naturally, after a while, this will permeate the spiritual Seeker’s connections with other people, too). This is a process that unfolds gradually in the spiritual Seeker’s life.

From that aspect quiet, emptiness and non-activity will be filled with an entirely different content, as the richess of Existence, real knowledge will be brought to the spiritual Seeker.

That will be the spiritual Seeker’s identity, where the answer to the question ”Who am I?” will be coming from. ”I am what I am! I am the Existence, the Presence, the Witness, who is not acting, only contemplating the dance of the forms and shapes.”

Lao Tzu asserts that the essence of non-action is the following: “Empty your soul and then stay where you are.“