For one reason or another society has decided that men are below women when it comes to being responsible, clean, intelligent or having any sense or morals or ethics. I find it horribly offensive to think that the incredible men in my life are not equal to women but that they also have the same unlimited potential that I do.
If you think what I just said is hogwash I want you to think about popular tv. I am not talking about the conscious or even academic community, I am talking about the average American male. I have seen countless commercials where the wife knows best and the husband is pretty much just one of the children.
I have also seen many movies and tv shows that emphasize the Homer Simpson, Fry from Futurama, or Peter Griffin from Family Guy vibe. What is going on here? When did it become ok or funny to treat men like they are dumb children for the amusement of others?
Now I know that we all make mistakes and it can be healthy to laugh at them, but the theme of putting men down or using humor at the expense of our powerful and gentle males is something I feel we need to change in our world.
What makes me sad is when I hear women talk about their male partners like they wouldn’t stand a chance on their own. I am ashamed to admit that I used to be apart of this culture. The one that has decided that in order to feel like a powerful woman I have to put men down. I decided a while ago that I am done with that behavior and I am calling on women everywhere to step up, expect the best from your male partners and empower them to show you their true limitless potential.
It is only through working together that we can heal this world and make it a better place. So here are 5 signs that you may be dating a “man child” and it is time that you honor the god within him and expect better. Love him in a way that makes him want to show you his very best or use this as a sign that it is time to move on.
If you are a man reading this article and you resonate with any of these 5 signs it is time for you to step up and show this world that you are a powerful being by redefining what it means to be a unique, gentle, sensitive and powerful male.
1. You Have To “Pick Up” After Him:
First of all, if you have already been doing this then you need to stop. You are enabling a co-dependency that is already out of hand. If you have had to regularly pick up his clothes, dishes, or food around your or his living space in order to be comfortable then this is a sign.
Another more serious sign in this section is if you find that you are picking up his unpaid debts, covering his side of meals when he has already agreed to pay, or picking out birthday or holiday presents for his family. These are things he should be handling himself. When you do it for him you are setting him up for failure. I’m not saying don’t help him out but if you are doing it the majority of the time then this is another sign.
The last area of picking up after him is emotionally. If you bail him out when he has issues at work, with his family or his friends and take the responsibility off of his shoulders you aren’t helping anyone. Making excuses for his poor choices and cleaning up his social and emotional messes doesn’t allow him to grow or learn from them. This is one of those cases when we think we are helping him but truly we are not.
2. Talk of Commitment or Children Brings Panic To His Eyes:
Slow and steady wins the race, so if you have been together for a while and panic comes to him whenever you talk about the future this is a sign. We should always be able to talk about the future in a calm responsible way and express concerns.
When you are dating someone talking about commitment and your future desires is a way to evaluate whether or not you are a good match for each other. If you cannot talk about shared life goals then you may not have any. Panic, anger, avoidance, deflection are all warning signs and you may need to have a heart to heart with him.
3. You Feel as though you have to Nag Him Constantly:
No one wants to nag people or continuously remind someone of their obligations and responsibilities. If he is too old to be living with his mother then he is too old for you to be constantly reminding him of his promises to you, others and his general obligations. He needs to start using a calendar, to do list, set an alarm on his phone and manage his own tasks.
If he struggles to follow through with plans, projects or commitments then this is a sign. When you kindly remind him of his promises does he get angry with you? If he cannot own his side of his own agreements and you hold him to a high standard of follow through then the consequences need to rest fully on him. Unfortunately, that will probably cause you and others to stop trusting him.
Just remember that you cannot cushion him or rescue him from his own lack of follow through. A responsible adult only commits to what they can reasonably handle. If for some reason they are unable to complete a task then they need to work it out with whomever they made the agreement with. Communication, follow up, creative thinking and follow-through are key signs that we need to be on the lookout for.
Basically, if you feel like the parent of a teenager then there is an unbalance in your relationship and something needs to change.
4. He Avoids Having Serious Conversation:
If you come to him wanting to express your feeling and connect on a deeper level and he plays it off like it is a joke or makes light of it that may be a big sign that he is uncomfortable with his own feeling and hasn’t matured emotionally.
The last thing a ‘Man Child’ wants is for you to tell him that there is a problem in your relationship. Problems happen and part of having an equal and healthy partnership is working through them with open honest communication and action.
If you bring an issue up in a calm and respectful way and he does whatever he can to change the subject, distract or back out of the conversation then this is a sign. Another way to tell if this is going on is to check your feelings. Do you feel unresolved? Do you feel like you aren’t able to get to the core of a problem with your partner? Then there may be a problem there.
5. His Friend/Interests/Humor Carries a Heavy Middle School Vibe:
When your partner goes out and spends time with his friends does he come home acting like an adolescent? Have you noticed that he can’t set healthy limits with alcohol, or other substances? Maybe you see him pulling childish pranks or using middle school humor.
Some people seem to never grow up. There is a time for respectful humor and there is a time to be serious and make sure that everyone is having a good time. Humor and pranks at the expense of others doesn’t accomplish this.
As strong powerful adult women, we seek intimacy and deep adult conversations from our partners. We are looking for equals, team-mates, life partners, and best friends. We want someone we can run hand in hand with, travel the world, and be there for each other when times are hard. We aren’t afraid of a challenge and we need someone next to us that won’t run away when times are tough either.
If you found that way too many of the signs above resonated with you and your situation then it is time that you ask yourself why you are in a lopsided relationship. Real lasting change starts with you. Decide today that you will not put up with these behaviors and that you will no longer enable child like behavior.
Don’t be afraid of growing beyond your partner and moving on. Encourage, empower and love him but don’t be an adult for him. It may be time that you move forward and keep working on and growing yourself.
Healthy partners don’t get jealous of each others accomplishments. So don’t let anyone limit your growth.
What have you found that helps you avoid or resolve unbalanced relationships? Let us know your experiences in the comments below.
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